I had been dreading writing tonight, it was my first opportunity to sit down and concentrate for a few days and it doesn’t take long for “why am I doing this” to start.
The EU piece had been bumbling around in the back of my head since Monday, so I knew I had to do something with it. This in itself seems weird, I’m not a writer, I never kept a journal, and this blog is only a few weeks old. But already it feels like I should put these things down, rather than bitching on social media or at friends and family.
It’s not as good as I wanted, but to be honest I’d got to the stage where I had to stop thinking about it (and that probably shows.)
Now it’s posted, I just want to continue rambling away.
I know I’m not disciplined or good enough to do this full time. I see other bloggers’ work and the research and effort they put in puts my efforts to shame. But I don’t want or claim to be a journalist, this blog is my inner monologue getting out. All faults, errors and misconceptions are mine and mine alone.
Sometimes writing come easy, the piece on foxhunting for example, I’d had a DM discussion/argument, and after bludgeoning my friend with my point of view I felt confident enough to write it up – and changed the site editor’s mind too *buffs fingernails.*
Most times it is hard, oh god, I have seen me agonise over commas, taking them out and replacing them 3 or 4 times and I probably still get it wrong. For someone who loves reading, my English is atrocious. And the grammar stress only happens after I’ve gone through the self doubt over what I’ve actually written.
It’s like vomiting words on my keyboard. Sometimes there’s sentences, occasionally I’m lucky and there may be a whole paragraph but most of the time it’s random phrases, which I carefully pick out and try to sort out into a reasonable order. And always without fail I will see an error as soon as i hit the publish button.
This blog is part of my attempt to keep nudging myself out of my comfort zone, as was the interview with PhantomPower. I’ve even volunteered to go on a training course tomorrow with a group of strangers, it may not sound like much but this is a big deal for me.
2014 was the year of new ideas and a big yes. Last year I tried to continue that feeling and say yes to new things offered me. I wasn’t incredibly daring, but it got me doing things I would never normally have tried and it generally worked out.
This year I hope to stretch it a bit further .